The Guy's Guide To...

How To Know If You're In Trouble When You Have a

Heart Attack...

You know you're in trouble when...

Your devoted cat licks what's left of your dinner off your face as you lie on your back in your flower bed waiting for the ambulance to arrive...
Your concerned and worried neighbors gather around you and start bidding on your lawn furniture...
Your adult kids arrive and search the house desperately looking for your life insurance papers...
Your wife dials 911, then places a second call to her old high school boyfriend...
The paramedics ask you which mortuary you would like to go to...
The Emergency Room doctor tells you to expect "a little stick" from the angioplasty process, and then rams a hose the length and width of the Alaskan Pipeline from your groin up your arteries to your heart, where he proceeds to blow up a black balloon with "Over the Hill" printed on it...
The ward nurse refers to you as "the body"...
The quartet from church shows up in your hospital room and sings "Nearer My God To Thee"...